“Your EQ is the level of your ability to understand other people, what motivates them and how to work cooperatively with them,” says Howard Gardner, the influential Harvard theorist. Five major categories of emotional intelligence skills are recognized by researchers in this area: Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, Motivation, Empathy, and Social Skills.
Competitive vs. Cooperative Conversation: Conversational Narcisism - “Sociologist Charles Derber shares the fascinating results of a study done on face-to-face interactions, in which researchers watched 1,500 conversations unfold and recorded how people traded and vied for attention. Dr. Derber discovered that despite good intentions, and often without being aware of it, most people struggle with what he has termed ‘conversational narcissism.’”
Intent vs. Impact- This article unpacks an iportant dichotomy when talking about power, privilege, and how we can be ignorant of how what we say and do impacts others. “When it comes to our attributions of guilt, blame, suffering, (im)morality, benevolence, pain, or any number of other outcomes, our perceptions of intent are – and have always been – a critically important factor in our perceptions of impact. “
During the COVID-19 crisis, poor email skills run rampant. Here are some resources if you’ve never considered that writing emails and crafting is a skill that needs to be developed, just like anything else!
Don’t Type at Me Like That! - This article from Psychology Today outlines some of the common misunderstandings that are more statistically probable in the electronic communication environment.
Appropriate Tone in Emails - Many emails come across as too abrupt because we’re in a hurry and just want to get to the point. Sometimes a brief explanation may help. And even an exclamation mark may soften your tone.
Note: if it seems like the above tips are silly to include because of common sense, know that each tip was written based on an actual email I received, in fact, I built these sections based almost exclusively from personally experienced email faux pas.
Note: if it seems like the above tips are silly to include because of common sense, know that each tip was written based on an actual Zoom call I was on.
Note: if it seems like the above tips are silly to include because of common sense, know that each tip was written based on an actual meeting I was in.
Note: if it seems like the above tips are silly to include because of common sense, know that each tip was written based on an actual group project I collaborated on.
Urgent vs. Important: The Eisenhower Matrix- “Developed by Dwight Eisenhower, a five-star general in the United States Army, the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces in Europe during World War II, President of Columbia University, oh, and a two-term US President, this simple box divides tasks into simple categories of importance vs. urgency.”
Manager-Tools- These podcasts completely revolutionized my management since I encountered them in 2015 and began to have employees and volunteers report to me. The podcasts about “feedback” totally changed the way I chose when and how to help my employees grow, and my teams thrived as a result! “Great managers talk about performance all the time. They do so easily, quickly both positive and negative. Our feedback model tells you exactly what to say and how to say it.”
Five Ingredients to an Effective Apology -_ _I’ve met only two or three people in my life who have been able and willing to give an effective apology. Once I made use of an effective apology, I was able to much more nimbly navigate what was really going on behind a misunderstanding, which led to more clarity, trust, and stronger relationships.
Four Types of Ineffective Apologies - “The empty apology is all form but no substance. It’s what you say to someone when you know you need to apologize, but are so annoyed or frustrated that you can’t muster even a modicum of real feeling to put behind it. So you go through the motions, literally saying the words, but not meaning it. And that ends up being pretty clear to the person receiving the message.”
Why We Suck At Apologies - “Non-apologies tied to defending intent are further hurtful because they create a dynamic in which ONLY the offender’s intent has any validity or relevance to the exchange in progress. This has the unfortunate effect of pushing the other party out of the exchange, effectively “punishing” them for having a reaction that doesn’t mesh with the offender’s vision of themselves in that moment.”